Originally drafted June 30-July 1, 2026.
Revised September 8, 2026.

I’ve been on the dating apps for almost 6 months and have learned a lot in that time. Everyone I’ve managed to go on more than one date with has been someone I’ve met from an app, because finding single sapphics IRL when you’re 40 in a city like Cincinnati where even the weirdo queer punks settle down at a young age is way harder than people realize. Since I am talking about a lot of personal preferences here (emphasis on personal, my preferences are not universal and in a world of 8 billion people that’s fine!), this is very much a paywalled post. Hugs and kisses to the 39 folks who have already upgraded their subscriptions!!!

1. Not listing sexuality (Why am I seeing you? What are you doing here? Girl it’s OK to not know for sure or be curious, but if you are showing up in my feed then I need to at least have an idea of what I’m working with!)

2. Use of filters/cutesy things on profiles (I do not need to see little pink bows on your cheeks. I want to see what you’re going to look like so when I try to find you in a bar on our first date I don’t have to squint. We’re both WLW, you literally have permission to look exactly the way you look offline and put your belly in a crop top)¹ 

3. Bad spelling/grammar (At least I know you didn’t write your profile with AI, I guess????)

4. Strictly normie girl stuff (You like movies, brunch with your friends, and cuddling with your pets? OK cool, you and every other person alive likes the same things. GET WEIRDER, NOW!!!!!)