Originally drafted on October 17 and October 30, 2025.

Note: Even though I have evolved into more self-confidence in my queer identity in the months since writing this, I’m keeping this essay’s original less polished version intact without any new revisions. I feel like it’s such a great little time capsule of what extremely early, confusing, and messy identity development looks like as a later in life queer woman.

As I’ve been in the process of exiting heterosexuality, something that has been a pleasant surprise is feeling all of the ways in which it feels like I am undergoing a mild brain transplant. The shifts have been subtle but noticeable, especially once I began looking at myself as a queer woman and as a woman that other women might (hopefully?!) be attracted to.